It's a hot button issue right now in Romancelandia--someone wrote a fat-shaming, fatphobic and ultimately very hurtful book. People are divided between those who vehemently hate it, and those who raved about it.
Honestly, I've never felt like an advocate of anything. I follow the Aaron Burr school of thought where I stay quiet and watch. But lately it's been eating at me (ha-ha) of how people view us fat people. So I go back to If The Dress Fits. I usually tell people that this book is me putting my soul on paper. Every feeling I've had about being the way I am is here in the book, with an addition of the perfection that is Max Angeles.
Because that's all we want, right? We want one guy who sees us, thinks we're pretty amazing, despite.
When I was writing this book, it was my way of trying to convince myself that fat is okay. Honestly I didn't quite believe it then, which is what some people picked up on in that scene where Martha looks at herself in the mirror. I learned from #romanceclass that writing these books is about giving people the happily evers they deserved and I thought I deserved that, fat or no. So yeah, Martha is the most like me--she loves to eat, she loves her dog. But she's also a lot more brave than I am. She isn't afraid to go after what she wants, and that speech she makes at the wagyu place? I wish I could make that speech!
And she doesn't lose weight. Doesn't tell herself to stop eating carbs or chocolates, doesn't deprive herself. I have no time to read how someone lost weight and found love because that's a horrible adage that still rings true to me sometimes. I had experiences where someone who cared about me used to tell me 'you got thinner!' every time I saw him to make me feel good. What a lie.
When I finished writing the book, when I heard it read out loud, when I heard people tell me how they felt about it, my feelings changed. I became more confident in myself, posting photos of my whole body, wearing a bikini (!!!) to the beach. I wanted to write a book that said it was okay not to be confident in your own body 24/7, but I ended up doing just that.
In the dedication, I wrote, “To every girl who has ever been called the f-word. You are beautiful. Believe it.” I didn't really believe it myself until now.
So come at me haters. One day I'll write a book with this new perspective, but until then, here you go.
Also, If The Dress Fits is $0.99 on Amazon from August 12-19, wherever you are. It's not perfect, but it's mine. I hope you like it.